Book Reviews
Hello Pat
I would just like to explain that I don't normally email people I don't know but one this occasion I have to made an exception.
I would just like to say thank you for the freedom course you have put together. I have only attended one session and read your book thoroughly but finally it feels as if I can start to make some sense of the mess that has surrounded my life for so long.
I have accessed the Freedom programme through women's aid in Nottingham. After the first session I cried all the way back to work, it was so nice to hear and read what had been happening to me, and that actually I wasn't going mad. I'm 25 and my relationship started when I was 18 only finally getting the courage to leave 18 months ago. Although I had left on various occasions 2 years before I could never understand why I had let myself go back to that situation. Your booklet has made such a difference as I can see how I was being controlled and that actually I'm not to blame. (It's very easy for people to say it's not your fault but after 5 years, you believe it).
I have gone through the whole process and after being assaulted and having a samurai sword, all he got in front of a domestic violence court was 150 hours community sentence and a year's probation !!! I on the other hand am trying to start trusting and getting on with life. He has since tried to control me from the relationship by having me arrested so I would lose my job and now taking me to court to gain access to our son or should I say try to continue his control.
I just wanted to again say THANK YOU for the booklet you wrote the warning signs have helped me not make the same mistake again as I have identified quickly a partner that was showing sings of a potential abuser.
I hope other women are able to take as much from the course as I have from one session !!
I will look forward to the future sessions
Review from a male reader
When I read the book I realised why I have never been able to have a successful relationship!
Reader says
I was living with the dominator for six years, had no self-esteem for freedom or knowledge and full of fear of every move I made. My first knowledge of the dominator was reading the book through the freedom programme, breaking down in tears and disgust of disbelief of how this man had mentally, physically and emotionally ripped my life into pieces. The beatings, the rape, the shame, the threats and then come the excuses "you made me do it", "it was your fault". He completely programmed my life, being kept away from friends and family. Even if he was not around I would still operate in the same manner. Asking myself what I am doing wrong as what was right today was wrong tomorrow. He made me feel like a stupid, unwanted, hopeless and worthless mother left with only guilt, shame and disgrace crying 365 days a year. Hoping that I would get it right hoping that he would CHANGE. It was hopeless. All those times I thought something was wrong with me and needing medical help. No, I was just a victim of the dominator, and it had to stop. Now!
When I started the book it was hard, I had to convince myself there was no turning back. If I honestly wanted out I had to do it. Going through each topic and finding the positive at the end of each session made it easier. Also the group therapy does work. Getting together with other women sharing each other's experience and knowing you are not on your own.
I must honestly say it did help. For me it gave me a chance to regain most of what I had lost, friends and family, confidence, being happy, freedom and achievements and more to come. I'm also able to share and encourage other women to read the book as I still do to this day.
My advice to women in these situations is to take that step, at least try and read the book or for more do the Freedom Programme. From my experience and others it will give you the opportunity to make a change in your life resulting in more self-esteem, knowledge, respect and control over your own life as a woman. Another bonus to reading the book is you'll be able to identify the dominator as they come along.
Reader says
When my husband read the book he started to do his share of the housework, look after the children, cook meals and brings me tea in bed! A complete change from the way he was before he did the programme. I am amazed!
Reader says
Pat Craven seems to know my husband!
Reader says
Thank you so much, I feel I will now be able to move on with my life. At least I know I have a life to look forward to!
Reader says
Reading your book 'Living with the Dominator' in my eyes was a wish come true. I can honestly say that without reading that book (9 times no less) I don't think that I would be here today relaxed in my own home with my children that I love so much.
My twin sister has been the rock I needed. Within 2-3 days of my ex partner putting a gun to my head in front of our 3 year old child she produced the book on my kitchen table and her exact words were, 'You read this book right now! It is as though it has been written about....! (my ex partner)
That night and we are talking only a couple of days after he was arrested and an injunction was put on him, I was glued to this book. I couldn't put it down and I didn't want the book to end!
It has been five months since and I have the freedom to breath again and smile and laugh and play with the kids. Everything is quiet and slow and just lovely now. It has not all been a bed of roses because the children were badly affected but I have good days and bad days. On the bad days I tend to read the book again and I become focused once more. That book is my lifeline.
I can not believe that you got everything right in that book right down to the remote control, ignoring me when he came in to the house, throwing plates at the wall at woman height, smashing things that were always mine never his, kicking punching spitting at me even when pregnant. Having sex when I was asleep, hitting the children and hurting them when they intervened to try to help me. The list is endless but it all true in an abusive relationship.
To anyone out there who may read this all I can say is 'Buy the bloody book it is a lifesaver and I can't stress that enough!'
The Dominator is an interesting read. The book provides both practical and theoretical support for victims, as well as service providers working with victims. The content of the Dominator is presented with an ease which makes it very accessible to all types of people. Getting trained on the Freedom Programme will undoubtedly change your way of thinking about domestic violence.
Machel Hunt
Psychologist/Counsellor
Reader says
Living with the dominator is a valuable and comprehensive reference book for those working with women suffering from domestic abuse, and for people who wish to have a better understanding of the tactics used and the effects on women of abuse.
If you have review of the book, Living with the Dominator, please email it to us
If you want to call us, our number is 01547 520 228
You can text us on 07789 871 309
Freedom Programme
PO Box 41
Knighton
LD7 9AF
PR1 8UR
