Feedback

Participants

3 Days That Can Change Your Life

Dear Pat, I thought I'd get straight to it and send you the email I said I'd write. so here it is, my feedback from the training.

I guess what I was trying to say today was how the last three days have really changed me and helped me develop hugely.

Before I came to the first day I was really very nervous, having never worked with adults before or done any domestic violence training I was walking into the room feeling like i had been set back 6 years to before I ever started working with young people. I was also really aware that there were expectations on me to be running a group for women experiencing domestic violence in the future and I felt unsure whether I would be able to do this.

The past three days of training have changed that completely. the structure and contact of your training gave me such a clear understanding of all aspects of domestic violence, from the psychological impact and controlling nature of it to the social and cultural perpetuation of these abusive behaviours.

I now really feel fired up, able and much more confident to work with abused women and maybe even male perpetrators.

On a personal level, myself and my female friends have always been very aware of a number of contributing factors in society that serve to degrade and demoralise us, but have never made the link between these factors and domestic abuse. the best way I can describe it is that I have been in a fog, having an understanding of snippets of experiences, and of the social and cultural factors that are influencing my life as a woman, but the past three days of training have lifted this fog leaving a clear understanding of the processes and structures influencing women in our society, leaving me with the tools needed to challenge them on a daily bases and the drive to do it, as well as a clear understanding of why I need to do this.

Well, I think I've rambled on a fair bit there and I don't know how helpful all of that will be for you, but I just feel so strongly that your training has been life changing for me. it has reconfirmed so many beliefs I have been holding which i didn't have the knowledge to express successfully.

So now I won't have to feel like I'm being over-sensitive or picky in challenging the way women are portrayed and treated on a daily bases anymore. thanks Pat, you've really put things in place for me.

Sophia xx

PS. looks like I've got a new cause, and a damned worthwhile one too.

Various Comments

"Very positive, can see how it can help and support women who have been in abusive relationships and it shows that their is light at the end of the tunnel"

"Really excellent forum in which to share and think and talk in a safe environment"

"This course is a confidence booster and assists in self assertiveness"

"A really good programme which can only be of benefit to women. Should be nationwide"

"Every women should experience the Freedom Programme" - A district judge

"What I liked was that it was so easy to understand, great fab, enjoyed it"

"This programme should be extended country wide into every prison, social services department etc"

"I think the Freedom Programme should be adopted by the mentors in schools with 5th formers, its great"

"Thank you so much"

"Supports you and helps you be who you want to be"

"It helps you live your life instead of just existing"

"Gives you an opportunity to live your life"

"Your not on your own"

"Helps you to understand that you can stop the cycle of abuse - EMPOWERMENT"

"Its self empowering gives confidence back to you, feel safe again"

"Helps you to gain self belief and confidence"

"An insight into why women feel the way they do, and knowing their experiences are shared"

"Helps you to feel good about your self"

"He told me everybody hated me, everybody thought I was mad, I couldn't run my business and lots more things. I often wonder why I never questioned what he said"

She now has the confidence to say NO and mean it.

Your web site shows a letter from Mandy B.............I'm her mother. To all those other parents who have children in violent relationships all I can say is never give up. I waitedÝ2 years for my daughter to realise that I was not the enemy he had convinced her I was. At her breaking point I made sure I was there, but sometimes there are things that can only be said to someone not as emotionally involved. This is where the Freedom Programme comes into it's own. The support given to my daughter has made her stronger mentally and now able to cope with life after existence. Our children know that 'our' love is unconditional, but to have an 'outsider' tell you how much progress you are making can sometimes carry a greater weight.

My daughter has without doubt been helped to heal because of the ongoing support and encouragement she has received through the 'Freedom Programme'. She now has the confidence to say NO and mean it.

From the bottom of my heart I thank all of those people who have always been there - not only at the end of the phone, but on the doorstep in times of greater need.

Thank You All

A Family Member

Training

Comments from a participant at Liverpool

Liverpool

There should be more groups. Now I have a normal peaceful family life. I have lots of support which I didn't have before because I was with him. I am stronger, peaceful happier.......I Have a life.

I've found peace and contentment within myself. I feel happier with ME.

I no longer feel alone. I respect myself.

Without the Freedom Programme I would have probably have a nervous breakdown. Being able to talk about my experiences and getting advice has made me realise there is life after mental, verbal and violent abuse.

With the support from the freedom group I now know that no-one has the right to abuse me, physically or mentally.

I am no longer concerned with the outcome of my court case. Even if he walks away Scot free... I have my life back.

You don't know what the future holds. Its very frightening to take that first step .... but it can't be any worse than the past.

Comments from participants at Newport Women's Aid 21.01.04

Newport Women's Aid

Hi there Pat! I'm writing to let you know how well the "Freedom Programme" is doing in Newport. We run two groups at the moment and are soon starting another one. Some of the women who attend have been referred by social services and due to their circumstances, their children have been put in foster care. The women see their children at the social services day nursery. We have had some amazing things happen after women have attended the "Freedom Programme". A couple of the women have had their children returned to them. One woman, who actually worked for social services and had brought her client to the group, became aware after a few sessions that she too was living in an abusive situation; she has now left the abuser and bought her own house. Another woman decided to leave her violent partner and came to stay at our refuge here at Newport Women's Aid, she's been here for a few months and has just been offered a tenancy with a housing association; she intends to become a volunteer in the near future.

This programme has helped so many people and its simple formula makes it easy for all organisations involved in domestic abuse, to "speak the same language" and make a difference in the community.

Thank you so much for your training and foresight into a problem that will help women to stay safe.

Lovely to have met you

Best Wishes

Marilyn Weaver (Refuge Co-ordinator Newport Women's Aid) (Mandy)

October 2007

To my dear ladies at Freedom Programme, just can't express my thanks for everything you have done for me, don't know where I'd be without you, it's not luck it's your guidance, make me realize I'm not alone. At this minute I'm in my lovely kitchen, having a drink, but happy. I would not be here without you, didn't realize how unhappy I was till I came here, your simply the best. Luv Eve.

Must repay you somehow, welcome here anytime, got my candle lit Anne!

Love Eve xx

Comments from participants at Darlington Domestic Violence Programme 10.01.04

Darlington Domestic Violence Programme

This course has helped me deal with my low self esteem due to domestic violence and abuse

This has been the most helpful and informative course I have ever attended

I have learnt a lot about abuse and the tactics used and it has made me more aware of the warning signs

It has helped me realise that what has happened to me has happened to other people; I realised I wasn't alone

I never fully realised how domestic violence harmed children until I attended the Freedom programme

As a trainer/facilitator of the course I would comment: This course changes women's lives. It provides the opportunity for a strengthening and challenging cathartic experience. Each time I have run the course I have learnt something new about myself, about the impact of domestic violence and about the courage of women to overcome their oppressors. As a busy trainer/facilitator I found the programme easy to follow, whilst prescriptive there is also room for professional development. Indeed, like all programmes I believe the qualities the trainer brings and the atmosphere created within the group is as vital to its success as the content. (Claire Seymour, former Co-ordinator of Darlington Domestic Violence Forum)

Comments from Freedom programme participants at Redcar and Cleveland 06.01.04

Redcar & Cleveland Women's Aid

I feel liberated since coming to the support group and completing the Freedom programme. It made me realise that I am not alone and there are people to help.

I feel as though I have made friends for life and we all have a close bond.

Very worthwhile, loved it.

Helped me greatly.

I have learned a lot since starting the Freedom training and will always keep the information on hand to give anyone advice if they need it. I still feel like there's so much to learn because everyone's got so many stories and you can see the relief on their faces when they share it. I would like to see all the information we have shared be made accessible to other women.

I enjoyed the course it opened my mind and made me think about the way I lived for such along time.

I would like to do the course again it has made me more confident and able to tell people what was going on in my life.

Comments from Freedom programme participants at Deeside 07.01.04

Deeside Women's Aid

Deeside Women's Aid have been running the Freedom Programme since April 2003, sponsored in part by grants from Communities First and with child care support costs shared by Surestart. Our third 12 week programme begins tomorrow, 7th January 2004 and so far we have 16 women who wish to attend. We also run an evening programme each Thursday for women unable to attend in the daytime. We are delighted with the success of the programme so far. In our experience the programme does what it sets out to do; it achieves its aims and objectives. As Women's Aid workers, we are in a position to offer women a simple, yet profoundly effective means of understanding their personal experiences of abuse in terms of the deliberate and calculated methods used to control and manipulate them. We love the fact that the programme is balanced and does not diminish our hopes for successful relationships.

Feedback From Cambridge Freedom Programme

Hi Pat Greetings from freezing Cambridgeshire. Angie, Donna and I thought that we would give you a quick update on how the freedom programme is progressing in this area.

Funding to open out the programme to the general public has not yet being forthcoming, although the Domestic Violence Forum keeps trying to push the need.

So at the moment we are restricted to our ladies from the refuge and we are on our second round of sessions. The sessions have been very well received and one of them wrote this poem.

The Freedom Programme

The Freedom Programme has helped me to see

It was not right what you were doing to me,

You weren't that violent or mean,

Just the worst headworker and Persuader I've ever seen,

King of the castle, bad father as well,

That pedestal you thought you were on just fell,

The freedom programme, Thank you for opening my eyes,

And helping to see through his lies.

Comments from Freedom programme participants at Castlemilk 09.01.04

I found the course to be very useful, in that it gave me a greater insight into the dynamics of domestic abuse. I was able to identify areas of the abuser's behaviour that I have seen, for example the admission interview, where the abusive partner speaks for the patient being admitted.

I have been encouraged by the recovery of the women who attended; they arrived on the first day feeling very vulnerable, and saw the facilitators as being in charge. With one session to go, they are feeling more optimistic and are making plans to change their lives.

The course has had an impact on me personally, in many ways; I had to confront that fact that at times my behaviour has been unacceptable, and also gave me space to deal with issues in my own life, mainly in the past.

The 4 hour sessions gave the women space to talk about worries and problems, knowing that they were in a safe place.

As a health professional, I would recommend that health workers who can access the programme, should do so, as it is important to see the abused as people with other things in their life and not merely as victims.

Comments from a participant at North Staffs

Dear Pat, I am writing to you to say thank you for the Freedom Programme. I had been in an abusive relationship for nearly 10 years, but didn't recognise all the other personalities of the controlling and domineering man, the rules of his game really put everything into perspective for me. I went through all the five steps to recovery looking back now I can laugh to myself, in the beginning denial and excuses. We have a brilliant Domestic Violence Outreach team in our area at Arch North Staffs. They never gave up on me no matter what, its taken 12 months to get where I am today and two Freedom Programmes, emotionally its been very hard but worth it. My daughter is now attending a Programme as she also lived with the abuse as did my son, we are working together.

I formed a support group for the women in our area, which is supported by Arch North Staffs, the D/V Outreach Team and SureStart. The women meet once a week, we have all made good friends and this has also helped break the isolation so many of us feel, we have an off load every week to begin with, we also have sessions on building assertiveness, confidence and self esteem, creative writing, swap shops (clothes household items etc.) some of us meet up and go out socialising knowing that we are in a group provides safety. Also chat about our children and ways to work out any problems they may be having, caring through sharing. We are all a different stages which is very beneficial to all of us. In the future I am hoping to become a volunteer with the D/V team, and help with Freedom Programmes in our area. Thanks once again Sharon

Feedback From Leicester

Comments from a participant at Leicester

"Thanks for giving me back my confidence. The course was great & I have made some lovely friends"

"Thank you for giving me back control of life. The course was an eye opener"

"Thank you for everything. The course has given me a lot back & boosted my confidence & I've made lots of good friends"

"Thanks for all your help. It was good in the group"

"I was living in a Hostel when Clare & Charlotte came to see me to invite me to attend the Freedom Programme. I was inspired by their enthusiasm & desperate to make sense of the DV I had been through. Although anxious at first, as the course progressed I felt myself becoming more confident & empowered. I was able to talk about things I thought I could never disclose, the environment always felt safe & no one there judged me. At the end of each session we were given handouts to take home. I would sit down & go through them with my daughters to heighten their awareness. By the end of the programme I asked if I could volunteer to support the next Freedom Programme. I was chuffed to bits when Richard (FWA manager) gave the go ahead. I really enjoyed the volunteering & it was great to have the support of Clare & Charlotte & also to support the women who were inspired by my progress. My motivation & enthusiasm was driven by my faith in the Freedom Programme. I later got myself a job with FWA & was given the opportunity to do the Freedom Programme training. It was fantastic that I could now deliver it to other women. So, with the ongoing training & a new job I am so proud of what I am achieving. I have 'made it' & am here to stay" - Kay D

Comments from a participant at Cymdeithas Tai Hafan

Cymdeithas Tai Hafan

To All of the Women sat in this room right now

I attended this very programme at the start of this year, after leaving a very violent relationship. I had lost everything including my children. With the help of a fantastic family and some great friends (including all those at Tai Hafan), I won the war and got my life back. Very recently I fell in love with a man who I thought of as being perfect in every way. I found out a few weeks ago that I am now pregnant - that's the good news. The even better news is that without the knowledge I gained from the Freedom Programme I would not have realised that my 'perfect' man was indeed far from perfect. I would like you all to know that although at times the programme can be very distressing and draining "it works". I am now very single and very happy, looking forward to the birth of my 3rd child.

Good luck and best wishes to all of you. You can do it!!!

Mandy B

Programme Organisers

A letter from Sheppey Domestic Violence Programme

sheppey@fwaprojects.org.uk

Dear Pat, Thought you would be interested in hearing how the Freedom Programme is going on the Sunny Isle of Sheppey in Kent!

Here at the FWA, Sheppey Family Centre, my colleague and I have finished facilitating one 12 week programme and later today we start week 1 of the second group.

The first programme was a great success with positive feedback and good evaluations from the women who attended.

During the programme one woman left an abusive relationship and to date has not returned, another is considering leaving and has sought advice from the women's support service. The other members had already left their abusive partners, but tell us that the programme has given them increased confidence, a greater understanding of the effects of domestic violence and tactics used to control them.

Following the success of the first group I recently started a women's support group, which currently meets every Monday between 1.30pm - 2.30pm. Women who completed the first programme attend and also those considering joining the next group, this too is proving to be a great success. We've had visits from various agencies including women's support services a local solicitor etc and we would be really pleased if you could come and see us as this would give us all a tremendous boost.

We appreciate how busy you must be, but hope very much that you can visit. (We make a great cup of coffee and always have nice biscuits)!

Hope to hear from you soon.

Many thanks,

Kind Karen from Kentucky

Programmes in Wolverhampton

Wolverhampton

Waneita Alison - Lewis is now the Low Hill & Scotland's Sure Start Community Learning Co-ordinator and has arranged some joint work with Barnardo's to deliver the programme within the Low Hill area of Wolverhampton.

This is very exciting and I hope the programme attracts the women who would benefit. At present we have about 8 women who we know will be attending.

The course starts on Wednesday 24th March and sessions will be repeated on Saturday mornings to allow flexibility.

LOW HILL AND THE SCOTLANDS SURE START THE MANAGEMENT CENTRE KEMPTHORNE AVE LOW HILL WOLVERHAMPTON WV10 9JG

Comments from a participant at Aylesbury

Aylesbury

From February 2004 we will be running the Freedom Programme at 3 sites in Aylesbury, 2 in the day with a crèche and 1 in the evening and at 1 site in High Wycombe in the day with a crèche. All the programmes are being run as a part of a multi-agency community initiative. The facilitators come from Health, Women's Aid, Rape Crisis, District Council, Social Services, Victim Support, Youth Service and REC. The programme is also being used in 1 to 1 work. We hope to train some more facilitators so that we can also offer the programme to other parts of the county. We are also looking for funding to employ a co-ordinator to link the programmes together.

For further information contact Pat Wallace on 01296 383701 or Gill Slade on 07789 045637

Feedback from young males programme

St. Edmund Campion School, Newcastle

Dear Pat, Just to update you on my progress on the development of the Freedom Programme in St Edmund Campion School.

I have just completed the programme with a group of 6 young males aged 16yrs. As you know i have been using the Freedom Programme as an additional tool to explore with the group what is domestic violence, why does it happen, what keeps it in place, etc. All feedback from the participants has been extremely positive. It is of my opinion that if there had been an exam at the end of this course all in this group would have passed with high grades.

Many thanks,

John Allen, Springwell Activity